Thoughts on my Mother-In-Law

Greg with his Mom

I can see the love in his eyes and expressions.

I only wish I had a picture of them when he was rubbing her feet and the sweet expression on her face!

Dorothy Jean Evans Rose...a truly elect lady.  I am her daughter-in-law but I can truly say she has always treated me like a daughter and has taught me the importance of making my own wonderful daughter-in-law feel that same love. I hope you do,  Sara, because you truly are "one of ours!"  Though Mom Rose is now in a care center due to dementia, she will always be a sterling example to me of everything that is good. Greg and I lived about 1 mile from his parents in the little ranching community of Park Valley, UT from the time we were married until our oldest son was 16.  I could hardly believe how quickly Mom Rose and I bonded and how many things she taught me how to do! She is such a multi-talented woman excelling in everything she ever attempts! She is a great cook, a seamstress, a gardener and preserver, a quilter, a crocheter, a wall-paperer and most importantly, a tireless sister, wife, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother! All that really matters to her are her family and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  Even now, you never have to wonder how Mom feels about the Savior and the Gospel for she shares it openly.  And even with this mind-altering disease, she gives us a continued legacy of faith in the things that remain important to her. In her confusion, she still worries about her children being cared for, about her Dad and three of her brothers who were not active in the church, about my father-in-law, Gary, being cared for, and if she has taught us all we need to know so that we will never stray from what we know in our hearts to be true. All of her children have been married in the temple and are active in the church, 16 of her 20 grandchildren are happily married and in the temple (the other four are not old enough), and 30 great-grandchildren are also being raised in the gospel and are having their testimonies fostered by loving parents. Truly, what a remarkable thing this is and attests to her goodness and diligence in continually teaching us to meet our potential as children of Heavenly Father. She has always been the hardest worker I have ever known. Her hands were never idle! She worked from early morning until late evening to insure her home and yard were immaculate! I can remember feeling the pressure to be sure OUR home, yard, and outyards were as clean and tidy as hers. And I am sure they never were! But she didn't judge and instead, would come down on occasion and help me when she could see I was very busy with my four little ones. I have been so blessed to have two very wonderful mothers in my life and how grateful I am that my own mother is doing so well after having been very sick herself the first two months of the summer. I need to go back and blog about that period of time and I will do that.

Right now, it is very important for me to jot down some things that Mom talked to Greg and me about a few weeks ago. I believe it was Saturday, Sept. 24, (2011) after a mentally tormented Friday that Mom began telling Dad that she was going to die that day. Though her physical condition didn't seem bad enough, we knew that the door of reality was closing on her. She has had so many physical ailments in her life-time and has been oxygen-deprived on so many occasions that I don't know why we were not prepared for the dementia. As I think about it, I believe it is because she always bounced back from even the most severe illnesses, including the need for a permanent trach, breast cancer and double mastectomy , heart attacks and a pace-maker...to name only a few. We always joked that she had long since used up her 9 lives! Anyway, Brent called me and said that he didn't want to alarm us but Mom was very aware and speaking clearly this particular Saturday, that there was a little different spirit about her and that we might want to consider driving out to Park Valley. Greg was moving cattle that day and I headed up the canyon to find him. We dressed and packed quickly and upon arriving at the ranch, found Mom to be very lucid and wanting to talk to all of us. She spoke to us about staying active in the Church and voiced her concern that she had taught us all she needed to to insure this would happen. She asked us to take care of Dad and expressed her love for him and her appreciation for his unselfish care of her for so long. Greg and Brent gave both of them blessings. I felt the spirit present and was so very grateful we had followed the prompting and Brent's suggestion. Not knowing exactly what would happen and knowing that if all was well in the morning we would be taking her to Christie's to give Brent and Janet and Dad a break, Greg and I decided to stay for the weekend at Christie's to help with the move. Greg and I talked on the drive and he expressed the feeling that he didn't think she was going to physically die but that mentally, her mind was closing. We felt that we had been given a tender mercy that evening of having Mom cognizant and able to share her feelings with us...something we had not experienced for months. The next day, Brent, Janet and Dad brought her to Tremonton to Greg's sister, Christie's home. Greg visited with her in the morning for quite awhile and she told him all about "heaven". She seemed so happy and so relieved that she had been able to visit with her Dad who was not active. She said he was separated from her mother but told her he was trying very hard to be good and was happy. She was also joyful about being able to visit with her Grandma and Grandpa Butler. Greg told me about his conversation with her and commented that perhaps she had had the opportunity to pass through the veil briefly during the night. I was intrigued and sat down to visit with her myself. I just asked her what heaven was like. She was so happy to be able to tell me about it and painted the sweetest picture for me as she spoke. She told me that everyone was so happy there and willing to serve and help everyone else. She said that instead of this: (and she frowned at me), it was this: (and she smiled ear to ear!) It was so precious I will never forget it! She described it as a place much like this earth only much more beautiful! I felt the spirit as we visited and I have to wonder if she wasn't allowed that glimpse to put her mind at ease about her Dad. So perhaps what she told Dad that Saturday was true...she was going to die, if only but a short time. I believe Heavenly Father sent her back to earth until we all learned some very important lessons about loving and caring for one another and staying close as a family. I certainly cannot say for certain that all this actually occurred, but  I choose to believe it did. Her countenance was so beautiful and serene! I will always treasure that time with her. By that evening, Mom was back in her confused state of mind and she had no recollection of what we had discussed. 

My son, Matthew, asked me to preserve all this for posterity so that is what I am doing. I am grateful for the challenge he gave me to do this so that some day we can all look back over this difficult period of time and thank Heavenly Father for his tender mercies in our lives every day, and for the powerful testimony of the gospel and faith in Jesus Christ that Mom Rose always possessed and shared so freely. I love this wonderful woman and will forever be grateful for the opportunity of helping in some small way to care for her during this very challenging time in her life. She has always been and continues to be one of my greatest blessings. I love you, Mom Rose!